Parenting a neurodivergent child—a child with a differently wired brain—often requires us to question things that we never thought we would need to. One such behavior that can puzzle and embarrass parents is somewhat controversial: spitting.
The Taboo of Spitting
Spitting is considered a social taboo in many cultures, making it particularly challenging for parents to manage this behavior due to its social stigma. Neurodivergent individuals, especially children or teenagers, may not read social cues well and can sometimes find social rules irrelevant.
There is a growing debate within the neurodivergent community, particularly among autistic adults, about the ethics of using behavioral interventions for behaviors like spitting. Many argue that forcing neurodivergent individuals to conform to neurotypical norms can be harmful, advocating instead for acceptance and accommodation of different ways of being
Cultural Norms and Perceptions of Spitting
Spitting often gets a bad rap and for good reasons. It’s widely seen as a form of abuse and disrespect, a way to show contempt without leaving physical marks. This makes it particularly offensive in many cultures. Sometimes, spitting is a dramatic way to communicate that a food’s taste or texture is unbearable. It is also a significant health concern. Many places consider it assault because it can spread pathogens and bacteria, making it not just rude but potentially dangerous, too.
Despite these considerations, spitting also has its practical uses. Scuba divers spit into their masks to prevent fogging, with saliva enzymes creating a transparent film for better visibility. In emergencies, saliva can clean wounds temporarily thanks to its mild antibacterial properties. Athletes often spit to clear excess saliva during intense activities, making it a common sight in baseball and soccer. Some cultures incorporate spitting into chewing tobacco and betel nuts for their stimulant effects and in traditional rituals as blessings or to ward off evil spirits. Even in speech therapy, spitting exercises help improve control over oral muscles and saliva management.
Understanding the Behavior
Spitting is a complex behavior with various meanings and causes, especially in neurodivergent children like those with autism. It might serve as a form of communication, fulfill a sensory need, or respond to underlying issues. Let’s explore some reasons why children, particularly neurodivergent ones, might engage in frequent spitting:
Sensory Issues
Neurodivergent children may spit for various sensory-related causes, many of which could be interrelated. For some, it’s a form of sensory seeking; the act of spitting provides satisfying oral, proprioceptive, visual, or auditory feedback. The sensation of saliva leaving the mouth, the muscle movements involved, the sight of liquid moving through the air, or the sound of it hitting different surfaces can all be stimulating or calming.
Spitting can also serve as a form of sensory regulation or exploration. When feeling overwhelmed, some autistic children might use spitting as a grounding technique, focusing on the specific sensation to help regulate their sensory system. For others, it might be part of their sensory learning process, a way to explore and understand their oral sensory system and its interaction with the environment.
Challenges with oral motor skills can also contribute to spitting behavior. Some children may have difficulty managing saliva or swallowing efficiently, leading to excess saliva they struggle to control. In these cases, spitting might be a coping mechanism for dealing with these oral motor difficulties.
Distress
When kids can’t express their needs or wants verbally, it can lead to frustration. Combine that with overwhelming emotions or sensations, and spitting can become a powerful form of non-verbal communication. It’s a physical outlet for their internal turmoil, a way to show their distress when words fail them. Often, spitting is a sign that the child is struggling to cope with their environment or their internal state. Adults can provide children with more effective coping and communication skills when we recognize spitting as a distress signal.
Disrespect
Spitting can sometimes be a child’s way of non-verbally rebelling against authority figures, rules, or societal expectations that they find challenging or oppressive. It can also be a behavior they’ve picked up from watching peers or media, using it to push boundaries. In this way, spitting becomes a provocative tool to get strong reactions from others, gaining attention or a sense of control. To address this, it’s important to encourage open dialogue to understand the root causes and guide the child towards more constructive ways of expressing their feelings and asserting their autonomy.
Hypersensitivity, Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) and Other Feeding Disorders
For some children, spitting is a hypersensitivity response. They may find saliva in their mouth overwhelming and spit to relieve discomfort. Neurodivergent children might have a sensitive gag reflex triggered by certain textures or tastes, causing them to spit involuntarily.
Spitting can also be a symptom of Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) or other eating disorders. ARFID involves a lack of interest in food, avoidance based on sensory characteristics, or concerns about eating’s adverse effects. Children with ARFID may spit out food due to an inability to tolerate its texture, taste, or smell.
How to Address Spitting
As a neurodivergent parent, I always balance my child’s needs and society’s expectations, striving to understand the what and why behind any behavior society labels as unacceptable. I know that my neurodivergent child wants to do well if they can. Here are some ideas that can help:
What are the underlying triggers for my child’s spitting?
Observe when and where the spitting occurs. Here are some questions to ask yourself the next time this happens:
Is it during mealtime?
Is it when my child is overwhelmed?
Or, is it in response to certain sensory stimuli?
Identifying triggers can help in understanding what prompts the behavior.
How can I set healthy expectations?
It is helpful to introduce clear and consistent expectations about any particular behavior to my neurodivergent child. I pick a moment when my child is regulated to introduce the topic and discuss boundaries surrounding it. Take spitting, for example. We discuss why for most people spitting is not an acceptable response. We then brainstorm other possible responses, such as using words or other forms of communication.
When do I need more help?
Sometimes, a neurodivergent child needs more assistance than a parent can provide. For sensory issues or a sensitive gag reflex, I can work with an occupational therapist on strategies like desensitization techniques, gradually introducing new textures and tastes, and creating a supportive feeding environment.
For spitting due to distress, I can brainstorm alternative coping mechanisms and communication strategies. And, if spitting involves pushing boundaries or showing disrespect, I can have a clear and honest conversation with my neurodivergent child to understand the root causes and guide them toward more constructive ways of expressing their feelings.
How can I be supportive and move towards different solutions?
Again, when my child is emotionally regulated, we have a conversation around the social implications of spitting. We can use social stories or role-playing to teach appropriate ways to express discomfort or distress. And I can reinforce the importance of using words or other acceptable behaviors to communicate needs and feelings.
By understanding the reasons behind spitting, we can devise effective strategies that make children feel understood and supported. It’s not about forcing them to conform to neurotypical standards; remember—we’re nurturing little humans with unique needs and experiences. It’s about finding a balance between being themselves and navigating the complex social world we are a part of, setting our kids up to feel accepted, and allowing them to be capable of tackling whatever challenges come their way.
